Posts about seeking arrangement written by Elsy. Sugar Baby Daily A twenty-something French girl in America. Advice on love, life, dating, money and more. The Seeking.com™ Sugar Baby is an individual seeking a real relationship, mentorship, and support. There is no 'typical' Sugar Baby since anyone who is looking to date someone who can help them achieve their goals could be classed as one. Because all Seeking.com users are looking for Relationships on Your Terms, there’s a transparency.

Devoted sex journalist that I am, when I heard that SeekingArrangement.com was hosting its first-ever Sugar Baby Summit, offering an afternoon of seminars for both beginners and masters of the Sugar lifestyle, I eagerly accepted the invitation to attend. Who would pass up on a day of that followed by an evening of people-watching at an awkward dating mixer? But more on that later.

Sugaring, in case you're new to the concept, is a type of relationship/lifestyle in which a Sugar Baby (SB) 'provides companionship in exchange for being pampered,' while a Sugar Daddy (SD) 'pampers Sugar Babies in return for companionship.' 'Pampering' is obviously a broad term, and can include explicitly negotiated financial compensation — like an allowance, tuition payments, or an investment into a Sugar Baby's business venture — or simply gifts, trips, and other treats. 'Companionship' is an equally broad term, which can range from explicitly negotiated sexual contracts, to casual dating, to a monogamous relationship, to being a married Daddy's secondary partner.

The Sugar Baby Summit seminars included important SB how-tos like style and beauty tips, Internet safety, and a funds management session hosted by (I kid you not) a former Romney-Ryan campaign staffer. Those were followed by a masquerade-themed mixer, where SBs could practice their newly honed skills on a club full of SDs (and oh was that soirée fascinating).

The Sugar Baby Lifestyle gets a lot of flack for being anti-feminist, patriarchal, or simply glorified sex work. But I — and a lot of sex-positive feminists like me — believe that A) there's nothing wrong with sex work, B) there are totally ways to live a feminist SB lifestyle, and C) there are ways to live an SB lifestyle that have nothing to do with being a sex worker whatsoever. There's nothing wrong with entering into a consensual, reciprocal relationship in which 'love' is exchanged for material gain. Sugaring can absolutely be a feminist act when performed by women who own their sexuality and are up-front about their needs and expectations.

And SeekingArrangements.com seemed committed to reinforcing this idea, making clear that there is nothing inherently anti-feminist about becoming a Sugar Baby. Yes, it (generally) plays into the idea of women lending their 'company' as they allow a man to financially support them. But a PR expert on one of the panels offered a useful reframing to anyone who feared that they might be contradicting their feminism by choosing the Sugar lifestyle. She pointed out:

'You're using what is available to you to get what you want. Men do the same thing, but they get more opportunity because of their privilege. Sugar Baby mentality is the same as alpha male mentality — you have ambition, you're dreaming for more.'

'I feel like such a lady boss,' veteran Sugar Baby Chelsea Ridenour tells the crowd during one seminar. 'It's about looking for what you want, knowing your boundaries, being smart, going after what you want.'

There are plenty of women who live both as Sugar Babies and as active feminists — the two are not mutually exclusive. What is anti-feminist, however, is how the Summit undermined its attempt to empower women by encouraging dishonesty and manipulation dressed up as ~flirtatious teasing~ and coquettishness. Of course, these tactics have their place in any power dynamic. But only once you've explicitly discussed your needs, desires, and expectations, and established boundaries and consent. And these vital concepts in power play were completely glossed over at the Sugar Baby Summit in a misguided effort to make the Sugar lifestyle seem 'accessible' and 'mainstream.'

For example, representatives from the website constantly obsessed over how the site was kept 'PG.' It was very clearly their intent to de-stigmatize Sugaring, and bring it into the light as a fun, exciting, sexy way to play, away from the shady taboos that are often associated with it.

But there's nothing R-rated about frank communication and consent. Or there shouldn't be. Unfortunately, in its shortsighted efforts to become a 'PG' 'dating/relationship' website (as opposed to a place to find sex), SeekingArrangement.com has some pretty murky, sex-negative policies.

Take, for example, the demographics of the Sugar Baby Summit: it was overwhelmingly populated by female SBs seeking male Sugar Daddies. One of the site reps chalked this up, in part, to some gender-biased language in the first email blast sent out about the event, which was later changed to be more inclusive. So, ultimately, a few male SBs did show up. I asked if there were any plans for LGBT mixers or 'gender swapped' summits in the future, and was met with a response that irked me, both as a feminist and as a queer woman. Site rep Brook Urick tells Bustle:

'It wouldn't really be cost efficient or warranted to have an event for just male or just LGBT [Sugar Babies]. I mean, only 10 percent of the population is gay, so only about five percent of our site is gay ... We are talking about doing some smaller LGBT mixers like in San Francisco or New York, where the communities are a bit bigger. But we like to garner a lot of media interest, and unfortunately only gay outlets are usually interested in gay events. And while that would be great, we get [the gay outlets covering us] anyway. We want to get as many people on the site as possible, and the fact is, everyone reads New York Daily News.

There are a lot of male Sugar Babies. There are. But there are not very many Sugar Mommies. Society kind of dictates that there wouldn't be very many Sugar Mommies, just because of gender roles, and how men are usually the provider, and it's kind of weird for a woman to be in [the Mommy] role, and it's kind of weird for a man to be in [the Sugar Baby] role.

I appreciate that SeekingArrangement.com is a business trying to turn a profit, and so the cogs of capitalism are going to be turning here. But saying that it's 'kind of weird for a woman to be in the mommy role' certainly isn't empowering to the strong, financially independent women for whom the site also offers services. And saying that there's no market for LGBT events is patently false — the queer community has proven time and again that if you create accessible queer spaces, queers will come (operative word: accessible). The myth that there 'isn't a market' for LGBT Sugaring can be dispelled with one visit to a 'Gay Professionals' Happy Hour Mixer, and the same can be said for male Babies/Sugar Mamas by viewing of a single episode of Real Housewives of New York.

The summit revealed its latent anti-feminism again later with the sex-positivity (or negativity, as it were) issue of disclosing your kink identity on the site. SeekingArrangement.com seems like a natural place to go if you're a Fi-Dom (financial Dom/me, controlling the finances of your submissive) or a pay pig (the submissive moneybags who gets off on relinquishing power over their financial assets to a Fi-Dom). And several site reps admitted that these folks exist on the site. The CEO, Brandon Wade, even implied that it was easy, if you were a BDSM-oriented Sugar Baby, to search profiles and find Daddies who were too.

However, I received contradictory remarks about how kosher disclosing your interest in financial, sexual, or psychological BDSM is on the site. One rep even ventured, 'I would say most of the girls on the site don't really understand [the BDSM lifestyle] and don't know what that is,' which is a borderline offensive underestimation of her clients.

The same rep added with regard to BDSM, 'If you have wording about being weird on there or something that would make someone uncomfortable, we actually have a team of people who will deny you. There are certain keywords and a threshold [for how many times you use them].'

So, all you 'weirdos' making folks 'uncomfortable' with your legitimate desires: this might not be the most hospitable place for you. I tried to ask what buzz words could get people scrubbed from the site, and was refused an answer: 'I can't tell you about the keywords, because if I did, then people would get around them by using other words, and we really don't want those kind of people on the site.'

Those kind of people.

But all of this was precisely my point — It seems difficult to navigate achieving honest communication about what people are looking for without setting off the NSFW alarms that would get users booted.

A different site representative backpedaled these views and said that it was perfectly fine to disclose your kink identity (should you have one), just that you couldn't solicit explicit acts or an explicit dynamic for money. Basically, no 'transactional language' is permitted on the site.

So there are a bunch of frustrating policies to wade through on SeekingArrangement.com itself, but for those who are committed to the SB lifestyle anyway, the seminar offered an array of tips on safe and effective Sugaring — many of them useful, and many reflecting the same problematic ideals that permeated the seminar.

1. Makeup is mandatory on dates

'Not that you aren't all beautiful without makeup,' SeekingArrangement rep Brook Urick gently told the Sugar Babies in attendance during her introduction. But it's mandatory.

2. But guys are afraid of too much makeup

'It screams high maintenance,' said the hair and makeup expert, who goes simply by Phoenix. 'They're afraid it's going to take you an hour to get ready.'

3. Be clean

Veteran Sugar Baby Chelsea told the crowd a cautionary tale of how she once got dumped for having makeup dregs in her sink when her Sugar Daddy came by to visit.

4. Go over your need/uses for funds

You're more likely to get cash out of your Sugar Daddy if you ask for money to help with specific costs: car payment, cell phone bill, student loan payments, etc. Successful business-type Daddies also respond well to requests for 'an investment' into your business venture, be it your lifestyle blog or your web series. All of this is basically the classy way to be like, 'give me x amount of dollars in exchange for my companionship now, please.'

5. How to deal with possessive Sugar Daddies

Sugaring is like any other form of freelance work — multiple streams of income is key. So what happens if you wind up with a possessive SD who doesn't want you seeing other guys? Expert SB Chelsea suggests taking this firm stance: 'Look, if you're not gonna give me a big allowance and you're not gonna let me see other people, then I'm not gonna see you.'

6. How to subtly bring up your financial arrangement on the first date

Chelsea recommends breaking the ice by asking 'So why SeekingArrangements instead of a regular dating site?' It can provide a natural transition into talking about your needs and expectations, if the idea of a frank money talk feels forced and transactional to you.

7. How to find a Sugar Daddy in the wild

So you want to go offline. If you're talking to a cute stranger and you want to know whether they have SD potential, try looking for expensive accessories (checking the quality of their watch was a specific tip), or bringing up 'traveling.' These can provide clues into their lifestyle and finances.

8. How to snag a Sugar Daddy in the wild

So you obviously have a moneyed human in your clutches while flirting in the field. How do you broach the subject of Sugaring? Chelsea suggests using the phrase 'mutually beneficial dating.' Ask them if they've heard of it, or if they have any interest in or experience with it. Perhaps open up about your experience/interest and see where things go.

9. Safety tips while traveling

A Sugar Daddy might be long-distance and ask you to travel to see him. Or, he might travel a lot himself and ask you to come with. Here are some safety tips to bear in mind when traveling for Sugar:

A. Share your Google Maps location with a friend. Basically, GPS chip yourself at all times.

B. Always have a round trip ticket. You don't want to get stranded if things go south.

C. Make sure a hotel room is in your name, or that you have your own key. It gives you back some power when you're traveling on his dime.

10. Securing a married Sugar Daddy is basically hitting the jackpot

Forty percent of SeekingArrangement users are married Sugar Daddies, most of whom are acting with permission from their wives. Married SDs are 'less clingy,' says Chelsea, and they often give bigger allowances. They're also usually more relaxed about you having multiple partners.

'He doesn't want to settle down and get married,' adds Brook. 'He doesn't want to go out all the time, meaning a more low-key relationship.'

11. Married Sugar Daddy etiquette

Don't call or text a married SD — their families might see those notifications on their phones; email is best when contacting a married SD. Also, don't hang out in their neighborhood on dates.

12. Sugar Babies aren't gold diggers

According to CEO Brandon Wade, 'You don't care what other people think. You're into having fun. You have a lot to offer somebody else.'

13. Know exactly what you want and what you don't want

Then, commodify your knowledge of your needs. Your needs are your power. Express them to get what you want, or withhold the information to draw out mystery. Says Brandon, 'If you join the site for a Chanel bag, you're going to get used. The best way to a man's wallet is through his heart. I'd say no sex for the first month. Hold a lot of mystery. A-type players are successful and on the site for a challenge.'

14. You don't necessarily have to put out to cash in

'I'm never going to have sex with you but I will let you think so for one more month,' Chelsea recalls of her thought process dating one particular Daddy. So it is possible to commodify your flirtation, companionship, and attention, if you don't necessarily want to sleep with a potential Daddy.

15. Find sugar sisters

There's a huge Sugar Baby community on Tumblr. Make friends, share experiences, learn new things, and, most importantly, publicly shame 'Salt Daddies' — older men who date younger women but have 'nothing to offer' them.

Sugar Baby

16. Some guys will resent you for being independently successful

'I feel like a lot of guys resent me for being able to travel on my own,' shared one independently wealthy Sugar Baby, who was mostly on the site to find guys with similar lifestyles.

17. On Sugaring while being a mom

A. Never introduce an SD to your kids, advises Vine star Danyelle Rose.B. Don't bring up that you have kids until date five.C. SDs who were raised by single mothers will allegedly have a lot more respect for you.

18. Many Sugar Babies lead double lives, but Sugaring can kill your desire for regular relationships

It's common for women to have regular boyfriends while they date Sugar Daddies, or while they have platonic Sugar Daddies. But Sugaring can ruin regular relationships, warns Brook.

'As it goes on, [Sugar Babies] usually figure out that normal guys aren't really for them,' she says. 'They get used to [a certain lifestyle], and when someone can't provide you with those things, it builds resentment.'

As you can see, a lot of the advice doled out pushed teasing, omission, and indirect communication as ways to get what you want. Over and over again, I saw women discouraged from being up-front about their intentions and boundaries because it would 'turn off' a potential Daddy and compromise their ability to cash in. This is what's anti-feminist about Sugaring — pandering to anti-feminist Sugar Daddies. Lots of power-tripping dudes will get turned off by a woman wielding her power in explicit ways. That's why you talk about how you like power to change hands at the outset, when you're defining the terms of your dynamic. If you skip that step, you might end up with a Daddy who controls you not because you like it (feminist), but because it's his default to treat women that way (not feminist). And that guy doesn't deserve to be rewarded with an awesome, thoughtful, savvy Sugar Baby like you.

I think Sugaring is a completely valid, totally great lifestyle/relationship choice. But I also think that, like in all relationships, you have to practice complete honesty and openness with your partner or partners. This is especially true when the relationship has a transactional nature or a power dynamic built into it. And if your Sugar Daddy can't deal with that like a grown-up, then he isn't worth his salt.

Sugar Daddy dating websites are become more and more popular. They’re the easiest and most convenient way to find that special someone. Maybe you haven’t joined a sugar daddy site yet, but now is the time to start!

Reading the follow tips on how to create the perfect profile. Not only will it save you a lot of time and effort, but it will help you get more emails and responses from eligible Sugar daddies!

No Luck Finding a Sugar Daddy? It’s Not You, It’s Your Profile

If you’ve recently joined a sugar Daddy dating site, you should be taking some time to improve your profile to make sure you’re getting exactly what you want.

In order to find that perfect Sugar Daddy without spending all your time sitting in front of the computer, you need to know how important your profile is. It’s the first thing a Sugar Daddy sees about you and making it the most memorable to a Sugar Daddy is going to make a huge difference.

As with all other things in life, there will be some competition involved. In the Sugar Daddy game, you have to be prepared to play to win. Did you focus on one site like SeekingAarrangement? Do you try big sugar daddy website like SugarDaddyMeet.com?

Some of the most desirable and charming Sugar Babies don’t find their perfect Sugar Daddy because they’ve either said too much in their profile or they just haven’t constructed their wording correctly. This can make or break a Sugar Baby!

Follow these profile tips for Sugar Daddy websites and you’ll have all the Sugar Daddies beating your door down!

Getting the Right Username.

Don’t be afraid to let your creative side out a little. Give yourself a unique name that stands out in the crowd. But beware, there is a fine line between cute and cheesy. Try to avoid cliches when it comes to your username!

Choosing a Great Profile Picture.

One of the most important parts of creating your profile is the picture.The quality of your picture will have a huge affect on the success of your search for the perfect Sugar Daddy. It’s best to start off on the right foot and post a photo of yourself that is the most appealing to Sugar Daddies. For example…

For women, 3x4 portraits will look best, according to data that is analyzed by eHarmony’s matching team. Try to get a nice portrait with a landscape in the background.

Do your best to post a realistic, but flattering full-body photo. You need to give a Sugar Daddy an idea of how you’re built and structured. It honestly isn’t shallow, it’s just a part of human nature. Don’t try to hide anything! There is a Sugar Daddy out there for everyone, regardless of shape and size.

Stay away from group shots! You might be hurt if the Sugar Daddy were to prefer another girl that was in the photo or maybe he might even mistake you for someone else. Sugar Daddies aren’t detectives. They shouldn’t have to figure out which girl is you.

Try to take a picture of you doing something that interests you. Who knows, maybe you two will share a hobby or have been to the same place or have similar interests. These shared interests make it easy to start up a conversation.

Don’t be afraid to show some emotion!Your picture shouldn’t be emotionless and intimidating. Just smile! A smile makes you seem confident, but approachable at the same time.

Don’t go posting pictures from years ago, regardless of how flattering it may be. Choose a recent picture that shows what you look like now. This reduces uncertainty and increases contact from eager Sugar Daddies. You can find more tips about pick the right photos on your profile here.

Writing the Perfect Description

On most sugar daddy websites, there will be an “about me” section and a “what I’m looking for” section. These sections are important to pay attention to as they are one of the first impressions you give off to Sugar Daddies.

Tips on “About Me” Section

Here is an example of a bad profile:

I’m fabulous…I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of sexiness, I’m a hoot and a half and I got a killer……… lol I love to laugh & smile, A sassy socialista well known for her silver tongue. Oh & the genius behind, I’m a Straight Talkin’, Fun Lovin’, Ass Kickin’, Inspirin’ COACHin’ Chic, Conductin the 2 Thumbs Up POSSIBILITY Band! LIFE OF THIS PARTY…and yh, the obvious….. i love “it”!..YOU KNOW WHAT INNIT?.

I’m really a giant cupcake. Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice. enough about me there!

That doesn’t sound very pretty, does it? Try to use grammar and correct english. Try to sound professional!

Write More Than Just a Paragraph

It’s not the most inviting thing to say, “If you want to find out more about me, just send an e-mail!” This is often a mistake that Sugar Babies make far too much. Why should a Sugar Daddy email you if you don’t have time to write a proper profile? He needs an idea of what you’re all about, so give him one!

Avoid Certain Language

Don’t use words like “spoiling” and “princess”. It’s a huge turn-off to a lot of Sugar Daddies out there.

Don’t Put Yourself Down

Don’t try to make jokes that put yourself down. Even if you’re just being playful, it might come off the wrong way. Your profile should be about you and your best qualities, not what you want or what’s on your shopping list. Write about things that you like and what you have planned for the future.

Be Specific

There are way too many profiles out there that say, “I love fine dining, shopping, traveling, cooking, masturbating, and exercising.” Okay, the masturbating part may have been a joke, but you get the gist of it. Elaborate on the things you like with a small explanation. It will give the Sugar Daddy an idea of what your personality is like. You’re better writing about one topic in detail than just listing ten things.

List Your Interests

This is actually a lot harder than you think. Be specific in what you like and list it. If you like to read, be detailed and maybe mention your favorite author. If you like to eat out, mention your favorite kind of food or restaurant.

Mention your Values

Are you open to a relationship or are you just looking for fun? Do you expect an allowance or do you just want to go on expensive and lavish dates? These are the things you need to list when you’re describing what your ideals are. Say what you want and what you don’t want. Do you prefer non-smokers? Is it a must that he loves dogs? The best way to fish out the incompatible Sugar Daddies is to be upfront and honest about what you want and need.

Sexy Time

Try not to be overly sexual. Sensuality will actually go a much longer way. If you like to wear thigh high stockings and stilettos, mentioning this gives the Sugar Daddy a nice visual. Stating what your favorite sex positions are might come off as a little skanky. Be subtle and leave them guessing, don’t give them everything right off the bat.

Tips on “What I’m Looking For “ Section

Be Honest.

Just say what you want in the most subtle way. Don’t flat out say what dollar figure you’re looking for every month. Don’t talk sex and don’t talk money. Just be detailed and say how you would imagine your perfect arrangement. Don’t list!!! Say that would you like to go to fine dining establishments together and what foods you like. Mention you like to travel and what your favorite destinations are.

Sugar Baby Profile Samples

Don’t be Too Demanding or Negative

It is already assumed that you’re looking for respectful gentlemen, but why mention that? Disrespectful men wouldn’t be scared away by mentioning this in your profile. Keep away from those kinds of wants, as well as things like “Only wealthy men!” This comes off wrong and mentioning looks will only be inappropriate. Instead, mention that you’re looking for a Sugar Daddy under 50 or something of the sort. Make it subtle, but clear.

Close with a Call to Action

What To Put For Sugar Baby Profile

In marketing, the call-to-action section is a term that persuades that reader to what you want them to do. Avoid saying things like “get it while you can”. Replace phrases like this will “email me later today and we can talk” or “contact me tonight so I can tell you the things that were too personal to post here.” Have fun with it and get those Sugar Daddies drooling over you.

It can take a bit of time to find a Sugar Daddy, but don’t let that discourage you. For most brand new Sugar Babies, it can take around a month to find what you’re looking for. Stay smart, strategic, and persistent and you’ll eventually find that perfect Sugar Daddy! Keep reading for what you need to do….

Seeking Arrangements Bio Examples

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